4 Questions Before “I Do”
Featured in Bridal Fantasy Magazine:2020 Edition
Written by: Stanley Padgett
If you want your marriage to last forever, you need to ask 4 questions before you say, “I do.” Most couples plan a dream wedding and hope for a dream marriage. Divorce statistics suggest few couples get both. The Canadian divorce rate is 38%-40%. The American Divorce rate is 40%-50% for first marriages and 60%-75% for second and subsequent marriages. Why do so many couples try so hard and fall?
Many of those couples were fundamentally incompatible and didn’t find out until after the wedding. They got infatuated before they got educated (about each other). A great wedding can’t fix a bad match. What if you could find out if you’re compatible on a deep level before you said, “I do?” If you openly and honestly discuss the 4 questions in this article, you’ll have a pretty good idea.
The 4 questions are about sex, money, children, and religion. Even before you discus those topics, you need to identify the things you must have and can’t tolerate to be happy and fulfilled. A forever marriage should be full of love, joy, passion and connection every day.
What do you need to feel that with your partner?
You have to be brutally honest with yourself about your must haves and can’t tolerates, and many of them center around the 4 questions. If one of your core values directly conflicts with one of your partner’s core values, you’re not compatible. If the woman feels she must have children and the man is repulsed by the idea of bringing children into the world, they’re not compatible, because one of them must give up who they are as a person to be with the other.
If your core values are aligned (or at least not in conflict), you need to discuss sex, money, children and religion. The sex discussion includes each person’s definition of fidelity, their physical needs and their expectations. The money discussion involves finding out whether the two of you are spenders or savers and agree on saving, budgeting and financial responsibility. The religion discussion centers on each of your belief systems, how strongly you adhere to the tenants of your faith, how you’ll handle religious instruction of your children.
The discussion about children should take the most time because of their importance and your total responsibility for them and their welfare. The question about children for a couple who have no children are extensive where one partner is brining children to the marriage. Both discussions are critically important, because divorce is expensive financially and emotionally and is devastating and damaging to children.
You can learn more about these questions and how to create a Diamond Marriage; one that will stand the test of time, in my book “UnVeiled: Secrets to a Marriage that Lasts Forever” and at Relationship Magic Academy
More about Stanley Padgett:
Stan grew up in Kentucky, graduated from high school in Alabama, graduated from Auburn University at Montgomery in 1979, and from Duke University School of Law in 1982.
Stan Married his high school sweetheart when they were 18 and 17 years old (after an 18-month engagement). In July 2018 they celebrated 42 years of marriage. They beat the odds of teenage marriage, attending college and law school with small children, a high stress profession, raising children, and now helping to raise grandchildren. They’re best friends and love spending time together.
Relationship Magic Academy was founded to teach other couples the principals Stan and Linda learned through trial and error and used to create a Diamond Marriage; because marriage should be forever too.